The Boys Talk

Dearest readers,

As some of you already know I am a mother of two princes, one is almost in high school and the other under the age of nine. I remember quite vividly when I was carrying my first born as a baby of approximately three months in my arms, I was taken by a sudden notion of deep sadness on how the world is set-up to look at him when he turns a certain age. I waived them quickly away feeling guilty for the targeted prejudice mind that came during one of the purest moments of a mother and baby. It wasn’t even something I had to deal with now, it was far from my reality. But I was so wrong!

It began when my first born was approximately 2,5-years started at an “international” pre-school. He was called out for hitting a child “impulsively” in the class. I was called for a talk with the teachers. They saw him hit the child, the other child didn’t do nothing to provoke it. I asked them how do they know, they can’t see everything all of the time.  Maybe the child did something before then. According to the teachers, the children didn’t play with my son. They were avoiding him like a plague. So, why didn’t they do anything about it or let me know. He was there for 3 months. The hitting could be a way of calling for attention.

Hitting isn’t acceptable, but bullying and excluding children by other children shouldn’t neither. My question to the caretakers was simple, could it be that the child teased or bullied him before he hit the child. They agreed that it was a possibility. I asked my son, he said that the other child was always mean to him that’s why he hit him. I experienced exclusion several times in my life. No child should go through that unwanted feeling. After that talk, he never went back.

Fast forward more than 8 years later my worries have doubled , just like the grey on my hair.  When I heard about a promising young teenager Rivaldo, seventeen- year-old just graduated was murdered and the suspect was a fifteen-year-old. It hit hard in so many different ways. Or the news of Jerryson, that robbed another teenager in broad daylight with a gun over a fatbike. Shot three times from the back while he was running away from the police and died. He was only fifteen years of age. This also burdened my heart for days, not only for the victims, their parents and family, like how will they cope? I read some of the comments on social media by heartless people. Although I already knew those horrendous, unemphatic and inhuman comments would be loud under the posts. It still gives me unexpected blows when reading it! A child that goes astray does not deserve to die.  He needs to be corrected, re-guided or penalized. He deserves a second chance. An innocent child that loses his life being in the wrong place and time is heartbreaking. An unbearable loss the loved ones have to carry for the rest of their lives. No parent wants to bury their children. May their young souls rest in peace.

I wanted to talk to my kings about what they heard of the tragedies from school or friends. Most important what were their thoughts.  I also felt it was important to share how I felt. There is no amount of talks that can prepare your child enough about the world we are living. Some things they can only learn by experience. I do believe that matters like these should be openly discussed at the dining table. On the flipside, I also feel they are too young for this kind of talk, yet, I can’t overlook what is going on under our noses. Being aware of what can happen if they follow the wrong people as friends. How guns and other weapons destroy lives. If they know what to do if they get stopped by the police. Or if they are seen as a threat in various situations.

As we had this talk, I was so relieved to hear their thoughts. I realized how important it is to discuss about actualities and listen to their thoughts and feelings. Soon they will be going into the real world, mummy or daddy won’t be able to sort out their fights or quarrels with peers or friends.  If we as parents are not having these conversations with our children, the outside (social media, school, news) world are willing do it for us free of charge. They will raise them for you anyhow they want.

No matter how much you try to keep your children busy with activities and away from social media trends, there is always someone that will introduce them to some 6 or 7ish trend or nonsense meaningless viral madness. Every information is easy to get with or without access to apps or smart phones. Let’s keep our eyes open to watch over our children and continue to have conversations with them about principles, friends and everyday situations that can be of (in)direct influence.