My dearest reader, I have been looking for an answer to this question, “what is a friend?” If I ask a group of people what it means to be “a friend”, I will get multiple answers from adults and children. According to the Cambridge Dictionary, a friend is: “a person who you know well and who you like a lot, but who is usually not a member of your family.” I agree to a certain extent, because I feel there is still something missing in that definition. In this blog, I will share my own perspective of the meaning, friend.
Let me take you back to some of my childhood memories. As a child, I was a thinker, my thoughts didn’t let me forget things easy, the good and the bad. When my heart was broken because of lies and deceit and my secrets were shared deliberately, I would feel betrayed and discarded. I also wasn’t a popular kid. Nor timid neither an extrovert person. If you had to put a label on my box, it would be in the category of an ambivert, odd girl. I hanged out with girls and boys. But I was most comfortable in small groups, one or max. four friends at a time. I was a besties kind of friend, a small click, Charlie’s Angels, Batman and Robin, and Thelma and Louise kind of vibes. This how I rode with my friend(s), seeking for a lifelong bond with mutual allegiance. An exciting unconditional companionship, I was that kind of bestie, always ready to fight for my friends. Did you watch the movie, Thelma and Louise? I was Louise. Trying to move mountains, help recover old trauma’s and protect that friend from the dangers ahead, only to find out that the depth of what you give is not matched by what comes back. That is when my eyes finally opened to know that this kind of love is toxic, unbalanced and eventually not healthy for either of us.
When I reunited with another old bestie of 15 years, after six years of incommunicado, I learned (one- year after) that a friendship that ended because of envy and competitiveness should not be revived. You can never get back what you had before. As much as I loved her, the innocence that once defined our friendship was no longer there. We both were wary, changed and valued other things. No matter how much you love a friend, you can’t heal or save a friend. You can’t fight for them, if they are not willing to fight for themselves. A friend should never make you feel you have to go beyond yourself to keep the friendship alive, even if that friend means the world to you. To recognize that is understanding when to let go.
The basics of a friend is to like a person a lot and to know them well according to the Cambridge Dictionary. I am missing something essential in that definition. A friend is someone I can be myself with and vice versa. I can trust. Also respects boundaries and shows up where it counts. A friend understands that not always the same reciprocity is achievable. A friend knows when to apologize as well as being honest. And to embrace different routes and believes, for example, in the Corona era, friends with opposite views on Corona measures and vaccines respected each other’s choices and are still celebrating their connection till date, is an amazing thing.
I can proudly say the people I call my friends are truly meaningful to me. I feel blessed to have beautiful friendships that have stood the test of time, with the oldest one being 24 years. We may not share the same religion, culture or roots, but we share something much more important: the values, trust, loyalty, love and understanding that make a friendship genuine and lasting.
What does friendship mean to you?
Images from:
Unsplash by Walter Randlehoff (featured image)
Unsplash by Lisa Marie Theck
Unsplash by Ben Iwara
Unsplash by Simi Iluyomade
