My dearest reader, I have been looking for an answer to this question, “what is a friend?” If I ask a group of people what it means to be “a friend”, I will get multiple answers from adults and children. According to the Cambridge Dictionary, a friend is: “a person who you know well and who you like a lot, but who is usually not a member of your family.” I agree to a certain extent, because I feel there is still something missing in that definition. In this blog, I will share my own perspective of the meaning, friend.
Let me take you back to some of my childhood memories. As a child, I was a thinker, my thoughts didn’t let me forget things easy, the good and the bad. When my heart was broken because of lies and deceit and my secrets were shared deliberately, I would feel betrayed and discarded. I also wasn’t a popular kid. Nor timid neither an extrovert person. If you had to put a label on my box, it would be in the category of an ambivert, odd girl. I hanged out with girls and boys. But I was most comfortable in small groups, one or max. four friends at a time. I was a besties kind of friend, a small click, Charlie’s Angels, Batman and Robin, and Thelma and Louise kind of vibes. This how I rode with my friend(s), seeking for a lifelong bond with mutual allegiance. An exciting unconditional companionship, I was that kind of bestie, always ready to fight for my friends. Did you watch the movie, Thelma and Louise? I was Louise. Trying to move mountains, help recover old trauma’s and protect that friend from the dangers ahead, only to find out that the depth of what you give is not matched by what comes back. That is when my eyes finally opened to know that this kind of love is toxic, unbalanced and eventually not healthy for either of us.
When I reunited with another old bestie of 15 years, after six years of incommunicado, I learned (one- year after) that a friendship that ended because of envy and competitiveness should not be revived. You can never get back what you had before. As much as I loved her, the innocence that once defined our friendship was no longer there. We both were wary, changed and valued other things. No matter how much you love a friend, you can’t heal or save a friend. You can’t fight for them, if they are not willing to fight for themselves. A friend should never make you feel you have to go beyond yourself to keep the friendship alive, even if that friend means the world to you. To recognize that is understanding when to let go.
The basics of a friend is to like a person a lot and to know them well according to the Cambridge Dictionary. I am missing something essential in that definition. A friend is someone I can be myself with and vice versa. I can trust. Also respects boundaries and shows up where it counts. A friend understands that not always the same reciprocity is achievable. A friend knows when to apologize as well as being honest. And to embrace different routes and believes, for example, in the Corona era, friends with opposite views on Corona measures and vaccines respected each other’s choices and are still celebrating their connection till date, is an amazing thing.
I can proudly say the people I call my friends are truly meaningful to me. I feel blessed to have beautiful friendships that have stood the test of time, with the oldest one being 24 years. We may not share the same religion, culture or roots, but we share something much more important: the values, trust, loyalty, love and understanding that make a friendship genuine and lasting.
What does friendship mean to you?
Images from:
Unsplash by Walter Randlehoff (featured image)
Unsplash by Lisa Marie Theck
Unsplash by Ben Iwara
Unsplash by Simi Iluyomade
Hi Chi!
What a beautiful conclusion of the meaning of friendship. I agree with you. I have been through it myself and most say that till this day am still losing friends cause they can’t forgive or have other reasons why they don’t want to be friends anymore or testing to see if our friendship will last. Each year I realise they are not real friends… most of theme are your friend when they need something… they will not invite you for their birthday or something special. This is painful but good to be aware of. I will not be feeling guilty if I don’t invite them either. I am learning to detach myself and to let go of theme as quick as possible. I will do one attempt to fix or talk and I will leave it up to theme to choose to continue or to wish them well and say goodbye with no hard feelings… I cherchise the ones I see once in a while or who love me for who I am and they know my worth they truely love me and they know am also there for theme as they are for me…
Hi Lucy,
Thank you for your candid comment.
I think the most painful thing in friendship is when you take someone as your friend while they see you differently. I can relate with the part of the one-sided invitations and keeping contact. Recently, I mentioned at a party to a person that I thought was a friend, that I never been (invited) to their house. That so called friend has been coming to my parties, even my children’s parties. Twelve years later I saw on FB profile that there was a big party with family and friends. It made everything clear, that was the end of me seeing that person as a friend. We still talk but casually.
I experienced them all: the jealous friend, envious friend, the party friend, the gist friend, the stingy friend and the busy-body friend. The friends for only personal gain. Or the friend that knows you when they are single, once they are in a relation, they switch you off. Everything evolves around the relationship.
The friend that calls you only when they need you to do something for them. The friend that is constantly giving you negative vibes. Or that friend that is trying to put you down when other people are around. Then there are friends, you outgrown or they outgrown you due to the different paths you followed. I think that is ok, though.
Nowadays, it takes a lot to stay in contact with someone, because we are living in a fast pace of life. So, when I met an “old friend”, we both agreed to keep in touch, I withdrew after texting her several times with no response. When I saw her months later in the park, she said she was very bad with texting and preferred to call. Fair enough, but she wasn’t even calling. So, I left it for when we see again. I will not pick up my phone to text or call her. No hard feelings, I am also busy, no need to fool ourselves or waste any time chasing someone that does not even care to maintain a friendship. I am in the stage of my life that I am good with who is good with me. I know my loyalty and love is supreme, honestly, I would want a friend like myself :). Like you said cherish the ones that respect you and your boundaries for who you are, that means also if you are not able to come to an event, or borrow that money or give that hard advice, they still love you.
Thanks again for your input. And, sorry for the long reply, I was on roll.
Much Love, Chi
Thank you for replying. It was funny and entertaining. I like the names you call the different kind of friends people can have…
True friendship can end naturaly when we both decide not to put any energy in it. Or it can be one sided cause the person is like this always busy doesn’t always mean that they are not your friend. It sometimes depends what kind of relationship and character someone has too. I agree that the most painful is the one doesn’t treat you or consider you as a friend while you would almost do anything for theme.
Thank you for the lovely theme and the blog you created!
Thank you for the compliment and your engagement.
Much love, Chi